


Aching for Snow

by RomanzePflanze



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Romance, Bad Poetry, Bisexual Hinata Shouyou, Crushes, Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Fake Dating, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Lots of kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Protective Kuroo Tetsurou, Seasons, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Volleyball Dorks in Love, Winter, Yamaguchi is pinning for Tsukki, ew i know right?, haikyuu rarepair, haikyuu!! - Freeform, i just really love tsukikage, kageyama writes a love letter, rejection hurts my friends, these ships >> anyone other ships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 12,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25404100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanzePflanze/pseuds/RomanzePflanze
Summary: Kei couldn't breathe due to their proximity. The weather didn't help either, as their breaths produced little clouds. This was stupid. He was cold. This game, Hinata suggested, was stupid. Why were they playing it again? And why outside?"Okay, ready? Three, two, one, go!"Kei and Kageyama were standing toe to toe, their noses nearly touching. The goal was to push the other away and cause the other to stumble. Kageyama held Kei's gaze without wavering. This close, Kei could see just how deep the setter's eyes were. Like an ocean, steady and calm. Kageyama was also staring, Kei's golden eyes a sight of their own. The two boys seemed to have forgotten their surroundings as they stared into each other's eyes. Hinata shouted go again and Kei pushed Kageyama, causing him to fall. The setter was too distracted because he couldn't believe what had crossed his mind as he stared at Kei.He thought Kei was pretty.OrWhen two boys fall in love in winter.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 26
Kudos: 161





	1. Confrontation

Winter was Kei's favorite season.

There was something magical about snowfall whilst everyone was outside. Everyone turns into little kids as they snowball fight with each other, some watching snowflakes descend down to earth. On this particular day, Kei and Kageyama were walking to practice together when it began to snow. The pair usually didn’t walk together, but neither minded it as long as no one talked.

They both looked up, the small white particles gently falling onto them. They continued to walk, the snowfall becoming heavier and heavier by the minute. Kei glanced at Kageyama, his black hair filled with snow. The setter glanced at him and that was when Kei noticed his snow covered lashes, which made him burst into laughter.

"What? What's so funny?"

"Your lashes are covered with snow."

Kageyama blinked, not having expected that to be the reason behind Tsukishima's laugh. Somehow he wanted to laugh with him, although he was laughing at him. Tsukishima rarely smiled talk less of laughing. The snow continued to fall onto them, and Kageyama noticed how innocent Tsukishima looked. He barked a laugh at the thought, causing the blond boy next to him to jump. Kei glared at the setter, his dark hair almost completely white. Tsukishima wished he were as peaceful and nice as he looked. 

He looked away, the noises of the gym becoming louder and louder.

-

"Guys, you have to get along for the block to become a wall!"

Ukai shouted from the sidelines at Kageyama and Tsukishima, who were glaring at each other. Kageyama had bumped into Kei as they were both jumping, causing him to stumble and the other team scored a point. Kei glared at the setter angrily and he glared back. Kageyama's eyes were a type of blue, that changed colors with his emotions. As he glared at Kei, they were a navy, so dark and deep, they almost looked black. Whenever him and Hinata managed one of their freak quicks, they lit up as if sunlight shone through a Beryll stone. When they lost a game, a gloomy grey clouds his eyes, the light completely gone. Kei never thought he'd say this, but he wouldn't mind staring into Kageyama's eyes for a long time.

"Guys!"

Snapping out of his thoughts, Kei looked at the coach, who just sighed and sat back down. The setter scowled before focusing back on the game, his eyes fading back to the ordinary blue they were. "As expected from the King," Kei murmured as he got back into his position. Kageyama flushed at that, his neck hot, but he controlled himself. He needed to win this match. Kei noticed how intensely the setter was focusing and tried to forget the incident. Not for Kageyama, but for the team.

-

"We won!"

Everyone cheered and the coach gave us a brief summary of the match and what was good and what could be improved. Kei made sure to stand far away from Kageyama during the group huddle and on their way to the changing room. All the guys got changed quickly, expect for Kageyama. Tsukishima wondered why, but continued to get dressed. After a while, Tsukishima and Kageyama were the only ones in the changing room. Tsukishima tried his best to ignore the obvious elephant in the room as he got changed. He decided to go the bathroom, that was connected to the changing room, to clean his glasses.

As he walked passed Kageyama, the raven head tightly gripped his shirt and slammed him against the wall. Tsukishima couldn’t comprehend what was happening, Kageyama’s face too close to his. There that color was again. An ocean before a tsunade. A deep navy blue staring into Tsukishima’s soul. Their bodies collided in an uncannily way, Kageyama’s knee between his legs. He didn’t loosen his grip as he let the anger he felt as Tsukishima uttered those words take over his senses. Tsukishima could feel his heart drop as he felt Kageyama push against him even more.

“Do not call me that ever again.”

Everywhere their skin touched, felt like it burnt. Involuntarily, Kageyama casted his gaze onto the blonds' lips, his stomach feeling weird at the sight. His lips were chapped yet they looked so soft. Tsukishima’s heart was pounding in his ear, his breaths coming out in pants. Kageyama quickly backed away and turned to hide his flushed cheeks. He didn’t like the feeling he got in his stomach at the sight of Tsukishima’s lips. Walking away, the blue eyed boy left Tsukishima confused, and slightly bothered.


	2. Jealousy

Déjà vu. The two were walking to practice together again. This time, there was a greater distance between the two, both of their faces slightly flushed due to the cold. The snowfall was steady and gentle, the sky a calming grey. Tsukishima swiftly glanced at Kageyama, the snow in his hair, so very cute, and looked away before the boy got mad again. 

Tsukishima hated himself for thinking of Kageyama every night after that incident in the locker room. It was like all Tsukishima could think of, was the way the other stared at his lips. At the thought, Tsukishima let out a soft sigh, catching the attention of the raven head. Kageyama’s eyes widened as Tsukishima ignored his reaction, cheeks betraying him as they flushed. 

“What’s wrong?”

Kageyama’s mouth betrayed him as the words slipped out, Tsukishima whipping his heard toward him. The blond opened his mouth to speak, but a loud Hinata tripping in front of the two stopped him. The oranged haired boy scurried to his feet, staring the two tall males down. 

“Kageyama! Today we’re mastering our quick!”

The three continued on in silence, completely ignoring what had happened before Hinata came. Tsukishima was glad because his heart couldn’t handle the worry in Kageyama’s eyes. 

-

“Kageyama!”

Tsukishima’s voice carried through the gym, sending chills down Kageyama’s spine. Instead of spiking to Tanaka, he spiked to Tsukishima, who scored. The two looked at each other, happiness shimmering in their eyes. 

“Nice Tsukishima!”

Tanaka shouted, receiving a rare smile from the blond in return. Everyone on the team stared in awe, never actually having seen him smile like that. Kageyama felt like someone had knocked the wind out of him, a weird feeling in his stomach. Although the feeling was weird, he didn’t mind it as much as he did the first time he felt it. 

“Tsukki!”

Yamaguchi exclaimed, rushing to him and engulfing him in a hug. Tsukishima instinctively hugged back, the embrace of his best friend warm and comforting. The blue eyed boy’s heart fell at sight of the blond’s arms wrapping around Yamaguchi’s waist so naturally. Tsukishima glanced at him, making eye contact. His eyes were a mix of blue hues, jealousy hidden in them. The blond looked away, somehow feeling guilty. Yamaguchi pulled away, his eyes sparkling as if he had scored the goal. Tsukishima chuckle, finding his reaction cute.

“You make it seem like I never score.”

That made him blush. Kageyama ripped his gaze from the pair, trying to get his head back into the game. “Oi, Kageyama. What’s wrong?” Hinata asked, the scowl on the setter’s face a new sight. Kageyama walked away, leaving Hinata dumbfounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi is so cute ;) it makes me sad :((( also Hinata is being a cockblocker!! i hate that word lol.


	3. Adoration

“Guys, we’re having dinner together today! Make sure you inform your parents,” Ukai announced.

“Are we all going together?” Daichi asked, Suga glancing at him with a knowing smile. 

“Oh! We’re going in pairs!” Ukai announced, taking the list from Kiyoko.

“The first group is Daichi, Suga, Asahi, Tanaka and Nishinoya,” Nishinoya and Tanaka jump up in excitement, high fiving, “The next group is Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.” Hinata, who was excitedly talking with Nishinoya about what restaurant they were going to, glanced at Kageyama, who’s eyes widened at the announcement.

“We’ll go after practice.”

-

“Tsukki, let’s go!”

The blond grabbed his gym bag and followed after his best friend. Outside the gym, Kageyama and Hinata talking about their freak quick and how well it went today. Kageyama turned to the two, his eyes glinting with amusement at Tsukishima. His blue eyes sparkled as the moonlight hit them, Tsukishima swiftly turning his attention to Hinata. 

“Oi Kageyama, are you even listening?”

The raven head glanced down at Hinata, dazed. “Come on guys!” Yamaguchi ordered, already walking ahead. Tsukishima followed, not even sparing Kageyama another glance. The four of them made their way to the restaurant, Hinata rambling on and on about something no one could care less about.

Once they got there, the others were already there, waiting. As they entered, Suga waved at them over with a big smile, Yamaguchi returning the favor. The boys made their way over to the table, sitting down randomly.

“Oh, Kageyama, Tanaka sits there. Sit next to Tsukishima, okay?”

The two boys found each others eyes immediately, panic rising in both of them. Kageyama reluctantly walked over to the blond, head down. The raven head left a respectable amount of space between them, their knees barely touching. More dishes were being brought out and Tsukishima ate without paying much attention to Kageyama. 

From afar, the scene looked perfectly normal. For the setter though, sitting this close to Kei was making his head spin. Up close the tall boy smelled like lavender on a spring day. Kageyama spent most of his time chewing and discreetly observing Kei. The way his arms flex, the way his chest rose and fell. His amazing posture. The way he held his head high. Whenever their knees did touch, Kageyama’s heart failed.

“Kageyama, you aren’t eating much,” Suga noticed, frowning at the dazed setter. Kei turned to Kageyama and placed a piece of meat on his plate. Daichi followed, placing a little more rice on his plate. “Eat up! We need you to be healthy.” The rest of the group continued to eat as Kageyama followed suite, his heart warm at the concerns of his teammates. He hated how his heart skipped at Kei giving him some of his meat. He hated how he actually looked concerned.


	4. Love Letter

“This is dumb,”

The raven head muttered as he stared at the blank page in front of him. After dinner, everyone went home, the setter's brain only occupied with one thought.

Tsukishima Kei.

He twiddled the ink pen in his hand, trying to come up with the right words. No one knew this, but Kageyama actually loved writing. He had a hard time expressing himself, so he wrote instead. He has written countless of letters of all sorts for people he liked. None of them have ever read them though. The boy took a deep breath and started writing,

“Dear Kei, 

you make me feel incredibly seen and I don’t like that, because I don’t like being vulnerable. 

Compared to every other person, that I’ve liked, you make me feel brave enough to tell you.

I don’t understand why it had to be you, though. 

Why do you make my heart race? 

Why does the sight of you give me butterflies? 

Why?

My heart could have picked anyone, but it picked you. 

I can’t ask you for much, but please be gentle with my heart. 

Be gentle with me. 

I can see you reading this, thinking this is a joke or something. You’ll confront me saying that it’s not funny to mess with people’s feelings. 

This is not a joke.

You make me feel things, Kei.

So many damn things and it’s messing with me.

The way you smile makes me forgot my name. The way you play volleyball makes me feel weak in the knees. The way you stare at me makes me wonder, if I stare at you like that. The way you kind of have to look down sometimes makes me wish I were smaller. 

To put it simply, I love how I feel when I’m around you.

Mark my words, Kei. If you show anyone this letter, I will personally rip you apart.

Yours,

King.”


	5. The letter

Kei nearly threw the letter away. He usually kept his locker pretty tidy, the foreign letter weird for him. He grabbed it not thinking much of it, until he read his name on it. He stared at it hard, to make sure it actually said his name. 

“Tsukki? Are you coming?”

The blonde looked up at his best friend, who was smiling at him, and nodded, placing the letter in between his books. As him and Yamaguchi walked to class, the letter wouldn’t leave his brain. 

Who would write him a letter?

Was it a love letter? 

Kei wished, he never had found the letter in the first place.

-

At practice, something was off. Everyone played well, but something about the way Kageyama was avoiding Kei more than usual made the blonde suspicious. Even Hinata noticed and Hinata barely noticed anything. 

“Kageyama? Did you and Tsukki have a fight?” 

“What? No.”

The setter snapped back, his eyes glaring at Hinata. The orange haired boy raised his hands in defence, “I was just asking.” Kageyama huffed, before going to the bathroom.

“What is going on with him?”

The team was confused by Kageyama‘s antics. The boy barely smiled talk less of running from confrontation. Hinata has his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, upset that Kageyama couldn’t use his words to explain himself.

“I’ll go talk to him.”

Everyone stares at Kei in disbelief, expecting the situation to worsen. The thing was, Kei knew something they didn’t. A lingering speculation crept into Kei’s mind, his stomach hollowing at the thought.

“Are you sure?”

“Trust me for once, Tada.”

His best friend flushed at the nickname, his eyes castes onto the ground. Yamaguchi had an obvious soft spot for his best friend. Everyone saw it, but Tsukki.

-

Kageyama was trying to rip his hair out. His heart couldn’t even handle the sound of Kei’s voice. It couldn’t even handle his faint fragrance. His body heat when they both jump up to block. Tsukishima Kei was too much for Kageyama’s frail heart.

Kei entered their bathroom, taking the setter by surprise. They stared at each other, silence taking over. Kei saw the distress in his blue eyes, making him grow weary of his speculation.

“Are you okay? You kind of just- stormed out.”

“Yeah, I’m totally fine,” a terrible lie, “I just slept late yesterday.” Kei’s eyebrows raise in surprise at that, his mind immediately going to the letter. What if he stayed up writing that letter? That would explain why he was avoiding his eyes so hard.

“Hey,” Kageyama snapped his eyes up, his body visibly fidgeting, “you know, you can tell me anything?” The setter barked a laugh at that, his heart squeezing painfully.

“Do you really mean that?”

“I mean it. Do you want it on paper?”

Kei noticed how at that, the boy flinched. A daunting realization hit the blond, his heart stopping. He took a step closer, Kageyama taking a step back. 

“I haven’t opened it yet.”

“Opened what?”

Kei knew, that if he mentioned the letter, but Kageyama didn’t actually write it, he’d have embarrassed himself for nothing. The deep blue eyes, that Kei adored, were casted onto the floor, the setter crossing his arms.

“Let’s just get back to the rest.”

The boy looked up, disappointment in his watery eyes. The setter took a deep breath in and a shaky breath out. Kei took another step toward him, his hand reaching out to him. 

Kageyama wanted to hold the hand stretched out to him. He wanted it to caress his face and hold him close as he cried, but he knew he couldn’t. That would ruin everything. Although he wanted more with Kei, he didn’t want to ruin what he already had. Perhaps he should have thought of that when he put the letter into his locker.

“You’re right, let’s get back.”


	6. Unrequited love

“Wanna grab something to eat on our way home?” 

“Sure! Hot buns or dumplings?”

“Hot buns!”

Kei smiled at how cute his best friend could be. Hinata stood with them, waiting for Kageyama. “What’s taking him so long?” The two sympathetically stared at the short boy.

“You go on without us,” Hinata insisted, pushing Yamaguchi and Kei from the back. They left reluctantly, feeling guilty. 

“I wonder, what was up with Kageyama today.”

Yamaguchi observed the way Kei’s shoulders tensed before he unnaturally tried to relax them to seem unbothered. Kei looked at him before saying, 

“He seemed anxious.”

What he really meant was, that he was on edge. The blond was 99% sure, he knew who wrote his letter. The thought filled him with dread. As they walked to Ukai’s store, Yamaguchi sneakily stealing glances at the taller boy, Kei’s mind was racing. Even in the dim light Kei never failed to make his heart race. They arrived at the store, Kei still deep in thought.

“2 hot buns please.” Yamaguchi politely requested the lady working there, holding up a peace sign. The old lady nodded weakly, preparing the meal. “So,” the shorter boy started, trying to get Kei’s attention, “do you have a crush on Kageyama or something?”

Kei felt his heart skip a beat as he whipped his head to Yamaguchi, who was smirking.

“What? No!”

Yamaguchi laughed, his best friend frowning at him, “you were always a terrible liar.” A blush bloomed on Kei’s face, the taller trying his best to hide his face. Kei was going to tell Yamaguchi someday. He really was, but with school and finals preoccupying him, he just forgot. Or maybe he wanted to forget. Because right there, when Kei uncovered his face and met Tadashi’s eyes, he knew Tadashi too well to not see the heartbreak in his eyes.

Tadashi wanted to be happy for him. He truly was, because Tsukishima’s happiness has always been his. Yet the intensity of Kei’s blush and his lack of response broke his heart. Yamaguchi has had the biggest crush on Tsukishima for the longest and he was certain, that the blond knew, which made it worse. 

What was so great about Kageyama, anyway?

“You knew, didn’t you?”

Kei froze, the tears in his friends pretty green eyes out of place. Yamaguchi shouldn’t be wasting his tears on someone as pathetic as Kei. He didn’t deserve to have this power over Yamaguchi’s emotions. The two best friends stared at each other, not saying anything. Kei knew, but he forced himself not to.

“Here you go.”

The old lady called, holding out the two hot buns to the boys. Yamaguchi turns to her and thanks her, taking the buns. The freckled boy wordlessly handed Kei his hot bun, their brushing hand causing a shiver to run down his spine. 

The two ate in silence, Kei’s mind drifting to all the times he had spent with Yamaguchi. Back then, it had been so obvious, but Kei never even took the possibility, that his best friend might also be queer, in account. Kei felt like the biggest asshole.

When they arrived at Tadashi’s house, the boy walked to his gate, not turning around. Kei wanted to say something. He knew he should, but what could he say? Instead of words, the blond walked up to Yamaguchi and back hugged him, one arm around his neck. 

“I’m sorry, Uchi, but know, that I’ll always love you more.”

Yamaguchi’s shoulders shudders as the weight of Kei’s words hit him at full force, his love for the boy swelling in his heart. Although it hurt, Yamaguchi extracted himself from Kei’s embrace and walked away, never turning around.

Tsukishima deserved that.


	7. Soft smiles & harsh heartbeats

The letter was still in his bag. 

After dinner, Kei followed through with his night routine and he even studied a bit, but he hadn’t touched his bag since. It wasn’t, that he was scared of the letter in his bag. He just wanted to hide from the truth a little longer.

Because if that letter was actually written by the one and only King of the court, he didn’t know what he’d do with himself.

Would his heart collapse?

Would he cry?

Would he suddenly sober up and realize, that he never really liked the setter, that much?

The last one was definitely not happening. Kei sat up on his bed, staring at his backpack. What was the worst that could happen? What if it was money for something he forgot to pay him back for? The thought lifted a weight off his shoulder, but that still didn’t explain Tobio’s behaviour, at all. Tsukishima knew, he couldn’t hide from it forever.

He decided that night to read the letter to fall asleep, his heartbeat crescendoing like an orchestra at Kageyama’s awfully soft confession.  
-  
The next day at school, Kei couldn’t stop thinking about the letter. Everytime he did, his chest flooded with warmth and he had to refrain from grinning stupidly into space. Yamaguchi noticed how dazed Kei was, waving his hand in front of his face. His heart skipping a beat as Kei locked eyes with him, his cheeks a pretty pink.

“Thinking of a certain someone, are we now?”

“Shut up Yamaguchi.”

-

After school ended, Yamaguchi rushed to the gym to be the first one there. He wanted to ask Ukai something. Kei took his merry time getting to the gym, not sure how he was going to face Kageyama. 

Speaking of the devil.

Kageyama was buying himself a milk cartoon as Kei passed him. Kei stopped dead in his tracks as he spotted Tobio, who looked up at him, his grip tightening on his milk carton

Kei couldn’t comprehend, that the boy in front of him wrote the intimate love confession he had in his pocket. Kageyama eyed the boy in front of him, annoyed at how good he looked without trying. His blond curls were full of life and Kageyama wondered, what running his hands through them felt like. What kissing those pretty pink lips felt like. What hugging him felt like. 

“I read it.”

Out of all the things he could have said, Tsukishima decided to embarrass himself. Kageyama took a few steps closer, his heart beating at an alarming rate. He had read it. The thought itself sent a shiver down the setter’s back.

“You did?”

Kei also took a few steps towards him, his heart in his throat. The two were standing very close, Kageyama’s red ears not going unnoticed by the blond. “Yeah,” Kei whispered nervously and glanced at Kageyama’s exposed neck. Anxiety was bubbling in Kageyama’s stomach at how close Kei was to him. 

His eyes looked like they did on that day. 

“Let’s talk about it after practice.”

Kei softly offered, turning on his heel to continue walking to the gym. Kageyama wordlessly agreed and followed. When they entered the changing room, they were the only ones there. Their eyes instantly found each other as they grinned. Déjà vû.


	8. Longing

“Good work everyone!”

Coach Ukai praised at the end of practice as everyone rested. Kei wiped his mouth with his shirt, sweat dripping from his forehead. Two people were definitely staring at him, but he didn’t notice. Nishinoya sat next to Asahi and rested his head on his lap. Tanaka chugged his water bottle faster than usual and Hinata was heaving. Ukai wasn’t going easy on them since the away games were soon.

“You guys know, that the away games are very soon.”

The boys all smiled, the thought of playing big teams exhilarating. “I need you all to be in good shape, mentally and physically. Your grades need to be good enough so that the away games don’t hinder your academic success.”

Kageyama, Hinata, Nishinoya and Tanaka immediately paled. They weren’t necessarily stupid, but studying just wasn’t for them. Hinata could barely sit still, let alone study effectively. Kageyama, on the other hand, just didn’t know how to study. “If your grades aren’t good enough, you won’t be able to come with.” Now, the four were starting to turn blue.

“That’s it for today! See you all tomorrow.”

They all started to walk to the changing room, the atmosphere heavier than usual. “Oi, Kageyama,” Tsukishima called out, causing the rest of the team to come to a halt, “I’ll help you study.” The setter’s eyes widened in gratitude at his words. His finger twitched as the blond walked up to him, “I’ll make sure you go to Tokyo, King.” Tsukishima whispered as he walked passed Tobio, the setter’s heart fluttering at the nickname. 

“And what about us?” Hinata asked, pouting.

“Ask Ennoshita.” Kei replied, barely acknowledging Hinata.

The team was slightly surprised at this behavior, but knew not to mention it. Tsukishima hated confrontation. In the end, Hinata, Nishinoya and Tanaka did ask Ennoshita, who agreed to tutor them.

-

“Tsukki, I’m gonna head home alone!”

“What? Why? We usually go home to-”

Before he could stop the boy, he ran off, leaving Tsukishima alone in front of the gym. Most people had already left, Nishinoya and Asahi already too far from him for him to join. Kei spotted Kageyama exiting the changing room, his face flushed. The blonds’ stomach dropped at the sight, totally having forgotten the letter.

Tobio caught sight of Tsukishima standing under the lamppost, the light illuminating him. He locked eyes with the middle blocker and slowly approached him. This was the second time they were alone, after Kei had read the letter. Kageyama wondered, how the letter made him feel. Whether Tsukishima took it seriously. The thing with Tsukishima was, that you never knew whether he was complimenting you or insulting you. Only Yamaguchi knew him well enough to distinguish the two. Kageyama was jealous of their relationship. That was why, he wondered, if Tsukishima was taking him serious.

He wouldn’t be standing here, if he didn’t. 

“Who knew the king had such a way with words?”

Tsukishima wore his signature smirk as Kageyama turned red, his eyes casted downward. He would never admit it, but he loved the teasing. Something about Tsukishima smirking at him, teasing him made his chest feel warm. Tsukishima made him feel seen.

“Only for you I do.”

Now it was Kei’s turn to feel warm as he shyly covered his face, trying his best to keep his heart at bay. Honestly, Kei hated Kageyama. He hated how focused and smart he was on the court. He hated how his clothes fit so nicely him. He hated how he smirked. He hated his perfect black hair. He hated those blue eyes, that had him paralyzed.

“I hate you,” it came out so soft, so vulnerable, Kageyama couldn’t help, but grin at the blond, his heart squeezing shut, “no, you don’t.” Tobio whispered back, closing in on the blushing boy in front of him. He carefully removed the hand, that covered the face he adored so much and held it lightly. Tsukishima has never felt so much before. He never felt so much for someone else before. He’s barely capable of feeling for himself most of the time.

“I really like you, Kei.”

Oh God, he was going to combust. His heart was so full and his chest flooded with affection at those words. He stared into Tobio’s royal eyes, the blue so overwhelming, his breath hitched. He wanted to kiss him. Kei wanted to inhale Kageyama Tobio and leave nothing behind. He wanted to feel the king crumble as their tongues collide. 

He longed for Kageyama.

Leaning into the setter’s ear, Tsukishima whispered, “can a commoner like me kiss a King?” Kageyama’s whole body felt hot at those words and he grabbed Tsukishima’s collar, smashing their lips together. Kei sighed with relief, finally getting to experience the lips he had been craving to taste. Their lips moved rhythmically against each other, Kageyama softly biting Kei’s bottom lip. At this, Kei groaned before opening his mouth, their tongues clashing. Their bodies are mushed together, the blonds’ arms around the setter tightly. The feeling of Tsukishima’s tongue made Kageyama’s head spin.

He pulled away, the pair gasping for air, their cheeks rosy. Although the temperatures were at an all time low for Miyagi, the two have never felt warmer. Kageyama wanted to stay in Kei’s embrace, staring into his dazzling hazel eyes, forever. Then again he’d never admit this to the middle blocker.

“Have I erased all your doubts?”

“Definitely, although another kiss is most welcome.”

The two boys stayed under the lamppost, kissing and giggling as the night unfolded around them.


	9. It still hurts, but at least you're happy

“You know, when I said, I’d get you to Tokyo, that also entailed, that you work.”

Kageyama was at Tsukishima’s house for his study session, but the setter wasn’t really getting anything. Sighing, Kei closed the textbook and faced his boyfriend, who held his head low. 

“King,” no reaction, “look at me.”

The boy slowly raised his head, meeting Kei’s concerned gaze. He reached out for his hand, gently intertwining them. Kageyama’s hands were long and coarse, but Kei loved them and the way they felt against his.

“I have an idea.”

He proposed, the setter’s blue eyes lighting up.

“For every correct answer, you get a kiss.”

Kageyama sat up straight, his senses heightened. Just at the thought of kissing Tsukishima his body jolted awake, his ears an embarrassingly red tint. Tsukishima obviously noticed this, his mouth curving up. He shuffled closer to him, their thighs squished together. Kageyama’s mind stopped working.

“What’s the answer to number two?” 

“28.”

Kageyama didn’t even need to think. Kei had taught him how to solve math equations faster, but he hadn’t expected it to work so well. Placing his free hand on Tobio’s neck, Kei leaned in to place a chaste kiss on the setter’s lips. The raven haired boy tensed up before moving forward as Kei tried to move back. Surprised, Tsukishima held onto his waist, Tobio ending up on top of him, still kissing him. 

Kei was becoming awfully aware of the sounds they were making, his lower half reacting accordingly. Kageyama was straddling him, his hands cupping Kei’s face. The blond didn’t know, he was this eager to kiss him. Pulling away to breath, Kei had to hold the boy in place before he attacked him with another kiss. 

“Someone wants to kiss a lot today.”

Kageyama’s whole face was red, but that didn’t stop him from reaching out and grabbing Tsukishima’s collar. “King, no. We have to continue studying.” The two stared at each other, Kageyama contemplating, whether to obey or continue as he desired. SIghing, he got off Tsukishima and tried to focus on studying.

“I like when you listen to me.”

Kei muttered under his breath, but Kageyama heard, his breath hitching. Although, he might seem emotionless or absent, whenever someone praised him, he felt butterflies and couldn’t help wanting more. That was why, he was so good at volleyball. The better he became, the more color the compliments became. 

Kei noticed his lack of breathing and turned to him, eyebrows raised. “Are you okay?” Kageyama should probably tell his boyfriend, right? If he hid it from him, he wouldn’t receive compliments, but he has never told anyone before. How did one admit to liking compliments?

“Kei,” he whispered, “I really like compliments.” The blond’s face contorts in confusion before he settled for nodding, not in the mood to dive into whatever that even meant for Kageyama and their relationship. “Then I’ll do it more often, King.” He said before kissing his cheek quickly. 

Kei was going to be the death of Kageyama.

-

“Guys,” Kageyama shouted, louder than he had anticipated, “we want to tell you something.” Tsukishima jogged over to his boyfriend, taking his hand in his. Everything paused in the gym. Even the outside seemed to come to a halt as the boys shared the good news. Daichi and Suga shared knowing looks before discreetly trying to glance at Yamaguchi, who’s gaze was casted downwards.

“Wow! I’m so happy for you guys! I would have never guessed!” 

Hinata was the first one to break the silence, his bubbly personality causing the tense atmosphere to lift slightly. Tanaka and Nishinoya nodded in agreement with the redhead, “I didn’t even know, that you two considered each other friends!” Everyone laughed at that, the young couple shyly smiling.

“We’re so happy for you two and fully support you as long as this doesn’t interfere with Volleyball!” Daichi stated, the two nodding understandingly. Ukai had an almost bashful expression on his face as he approached the couple to congratulate them, “you have my blessing.” The two bowed respectfully, taking his words to heart.

“See? You had nothing to worry about.”

Kei mumbled, kissing the back of Kageyama’s hand. The whole team was still staring at them and cooed at that, Kei’s glares shutting them down immediately. “I guess, you were right.” Kageyama entwined their hands to help pack everything away. 

“I’m always right.”

-

Yamaguchi had to admit, that they looked good together. When Kageyama would hug Tsukishima’s arm and they walked around like a couple, they looked good together. When they held hands and talked excitedly, they looked good together. That didn’t reduce the heartbreak for Yamaguchi, at all. He had never known how deep heartbreak went. Every time he saw Kageyama, a part of his heart, he didn’t even know began to ache. He couldn’t help and compare himself to the blue eyed boy. What did he have, that he didn’t? Kageyama probably didn’t even know about his crush on Tsukishima.

“Are you excited for the away games?”

“I guess.”

Tsukishima dryly replied. The three were walking to practice and Yamaguchi really felt like a third wheel. That didn’t mean he was going to give up walking to practice with his best friend. Kageyama would have to deal with the awkwardness. 

“There’s the cutest couple on earth.”

Tanaka called out, making everyone turn to them. Kageyama was already blushing, Tsukishima rubbing his thumb across his hand soothingly. The sight made Yamaguchi want to throw up. He silently made his way to the changing room. As everyone cooed over the couple and made them compliments and shared their support, Suga noticing Yamaguchi’s absence first.

“You like him, don’t you?”

Yamaguchi choked on air at Suga’s claim, confirming the third year’s suspicious. He hated admitting his feelings for the blond, because what good would it do? His eyes started to water as he began to spite Suga for asking him.

“So, what if I do? It doesn’t make a difference now!”

He hadn’t meant to get so angry, but he hasn’t spoken about this whole situation with anyone. Suga was surprised at Yamaguchi’s sudden outburst, but he understood. He knew all too well how unrequited love felt. 

“You’re right, but I thought, you might want to speak with someone about what you’re going through.” 

Yamaguchi pathetically let himself fall into Suga’s arms, the elder surprised, but still willing to hug the younger. The third year guided him through the back door, because he knew the other first years were going to come in there to change. 

“Let it all out.”

As if those words activated a faucet, the freckled boy buried his face in the older’s neck and wrapped his arms around his neck, sobbing. Sugawara rhythmically rubbed circled onto his back, the sounds leaving the younger, breaking his heart. Yamaguchi hadn’t cried in so long, he wondered how he managed it, but right there in Suga’s arms, he thought, he could cry for forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think, Kags and Tsukki are so cute together, but so oblivious to yama's pain  
> also don't worry, yams will heal and find someone


	10. Butterflies still exist

The team was preparing for the trip to Tokyo. Hinata, Nishinoya and Tanaka could barely contain their excitement as they bounced around, singing incoherent tunes. “Oi, stop messing around before you hurt yourself.” 

Suga had suggested to Yamaguchi beforehand that they sit together, which he had agreed to, albeit a little guilty because he knew Suga loved sitting next to Daichi. In light of that sacrifice, Yamaguchi bought Suga all his favourite snacks, Yamaguchi saw him eat regularly. The whole team climbed into the bus, Kageyama peering at the freckled boy from his seat next to Kei.

“Are you sure this is okay?”

“Of course, Yamaguchi and I aren’t joined at the hip or something.”

Although Kei had said it, he knew, it wasn’t true.They were always together. The team seemed to have noticed this sudden change in sitting arrangements, no one mentioning it. Suga took the aisle seat to spare the younger from seeing the couple. 

“Suga,” The third year turned to the already crying boy, his heart sinking, “I bought you these!” Yamaguchi tried to sound excited as he lightly shoved the small bag of sweets into his hands. Suga smiled and thanked him, feeling a little sick to his stomach. Instead of interrogating the younger, he just wrapped his arm around his lower back, Yamaguchi nuzzling into the crook of his neck almost instantly.

“Better?”

The other just sighed against his neck, closing his eyes to drift to sleep. Coach Ukai went down the aisle to check on everyone, raising his eyebrow at Suga. The third just shook his head, the coach understanding. Suga had known that letting the boy open up to him, would be letting him get dependent on him. Staring down at the lightly snoring boy in his arms, he was once again reminding of himself in his first year. If he could go back in time, he would want someone to treat him the way he’s treating Yamaguchi right now. Suga will let him cry and depend on him as much as he needs. Anything to make the pinch server happy again.

-

The first day of away games was filled with both success and loses for Karasuno. Yamaguchi was doing pretty well. Mainly because he let himself soak up the feeling of Suga’s embrace and his soft humming. Whenever he saw Tsukishima and Kageyama, he let that thought take over his senses and he’d calm down. He was forever grateful for Suga’s caring nature.

Most of the boys went to dinner or showered, Yamaguchi not wanting to do either. He was walking to the dinning hall, but he wasn’t hungry. There were still people practicing, shouting incoherent things. Initially, Yamaguchi planned on walking by without stopping, but as an unfamiliar voice shouted his best friend’s name, he whipped around and stood in the door frame, frozen.

The shout came from a boy Yamaguchi hadn’t seen much. He was tall and muscular, his uniform framing his muscles nicely. His messy black hair and sharp amber eyes probably made him popular with the girls. Tsukishima had let a ball pass the block, which made the black haired male furious. They noticed Yamaguchi seconds after Kuroo shouted at Tsukishima for not trying.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt. Excuse me.”

Kuroo shook his head and offered the embarrassed boy a smile, “you didn't. Tsukishima here just isn’t giving it his all.” The group laughed, Kei sucking his teeth at them. Kuroo eyed the boy standing in the doorway, “don’t you two go to the same school?” Yamaguchi nodded, nervousness bubbling in him as all eyes were on him.

“Wanna join? I’m kuroo and this is Bokuto. You’ve probably already seen him play already.”  
Yamaguchi failed to hide his surprise as Kuroo wrapped his arm around his neck and dragged him into the hall. Tsukishima wore his signature smirk as the black haired boy continued to ramble about how bad Kei was and how it seemed like he didn’t care about volleyball at all.

Without realizing it, Yamaguchi actually laughed at that, the feeling blooming in his chest and tickling his throat. The sound made Kuroo stare at him, an intangible expression on his attractive face. He casually continued to talk to Bokuto about technique, the gray haired boy raising an eyebrow in amusement at that reaction.

They ended up playing a few more games, Yamaguchi using his serve and winning a few points for his team. The boys hurriedly cleaned up and made their way to their respective areas, bidding goodbye to one another.

“You should always join us, Yamaguchi.”

Being talked to directly had always been a weakness of his, their eyes meeting halfway through his comment. Heat rose to his freckled cheeks as he nodded, averting his eyes to the ground. Kuroo didn’t think much of this, casually continuing to walk next to Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, Kenma following lazily, too focused on his game.

Soft sunrays glimmered over the boys, casting a faint orange glow on them. Although he could feel the slight increase in his heartbeat at Kuroo walking next to him, Yamaguchi dared to sneak a glance at him, his breath hitching at being caught instantly. Kuroo smirked as Yamaguchi whips his head away from him, very red. Stupid Yamaguchi. What was he expecting to happen? 

Even if he was caught, he couldn’t help the butterflies at how good Kuroo looked, dipped in sunlight. Kuroo and Tsukishima might have similar eye colors, but they’re in no way the same eyes. 

His best friend always had a distant look in his eyes, rarely acknowledging the world with those golden eyes. The rare occasions when Tsukishima really regarded and focused his eyes on something, it was usually on Yamaguchi. You couldn’t blame the freckled for falling then, could you? Tsukishima’s eyes inhaled him before he even had the chance to get lost in them. Eye contact with his best friend now almost felt too intimate, knowing that Tsukishima didn’t only regard Kageyama in the same way, but also looked at him with feelings. Romantic feelings so strong Yamaguchi truly wondered how the setter hadn’t crumbled in public yet. Then again this was Kageyama and not Yamaguchi, who practically cried at everything.

Kuroo’s eyes were of the sultry type. The kind you see on someone, who knew they were hot. The type you see on a dance floor and think about all night, even if you’re going home with someone else. The perfect bedroom eyes. The complete opposite of Tsukishima’s aloof gaze, but they had the same effect. A flood of butterflies, that made him feel too giddy. Yamaguchi really needed to stop falling for people so easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, but i live for sugamama coming in and proctecting yamaguchi from getting anymore hurt. anyone want a back story to first year Suga? 
> 
> also Kuroo obviously has a thing for yamaguchi's laugh and i mean,,,,,, who wouldn't???
> 
> thank you for reading!!!


	11. Flashback- Suga's first heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short one chaptered side story to explain why Suga is so caring towards Yamaguchi! This doesn't affect the storyline of the main story! Enjoy!

Finally. Suga was finally at Karasuno.

Daichi, Asahi and him all stared admiringly at the big entrance, the older students avoiding the small first years as they entered the building. This was their new beginning and they were going to do it together. The three small teens were practically shaking with excitement.

“You guys do know you need to actually enter the building at some point, right?”

A third year with bright red hair till his shoulders asked the three, his smile kind and endearing. Suga gawked at the pretty boy, an unfamiliar feeling blooming at the sight of his half smile. Akane noticed Suga’s curious gaze and grinned, the gray haired boy’s stomach dropping.

“Thank you, senpai!”

Daichi bowed and Akane laughed, his own cheeks pinking as he frantically waved his hands. “No need to thank me. If you ever get lost or need help, I’m Akane Ito.” The three stared at the boy in front of them with pure adoration as the amused expression never left his face. Suga was sure he was getting sick. 

-

After school, the three went to the volleyball tryouts together, taking lethargic steps towards the gym. As they entered, Akane’s fiery red hair was hard to miss, even if it was tied into a ponytail. That unfamiliar feeling grew in Suga’s chest as Akane turned to them, beaming. Suga wondered what any other expression looked like on his face. 

“Wow! What a coincidence! I’m so glad you guys are here!”

Daichi and Asahi nodded and bowed respectfully, Suga too dazed as he stared at Akane’s hair to notice. The redhead’s eyes shifted to the gawking boy, who immediately started and looked away as soon as Akane lifted an eyebrow in confusion. That made the older laugh, his face lighting up. Suga couldn’t contain his grin at the sound, his stomach still feeling weird.

“Well, let’s get this started with!”

-

Suga’s sickness was getting worse. 

When the whole team called it a day, everyone heaving and sweating, they all decided to go get change. Suga had never really looked at guys and thought anything weird of it. He’s seen Daichi and Asahi shirtless countless times. Suga was certain that he liked girls. He flushed when he saw a girl wear a short skirt or a skin tight shirt. He wasn’t blind. Girls were absolutely gorgeous.  
However when Akane lifted his shirt and exposed his bare chest, Suga stopped breathing.

He hadn’t meant to stare so blatantly, but he had never seen a torso so defined. The sweat clung to his skin, the tshirt unravelling his hair. He lightly shook his head to get his hair out of his face. Suga had never felt attraction to men before, but this was making him question things. His mind was racing with thoughts, he never even knew he could have. He quickly twirled around and started to undress before his staring got weird. 

That night, Suga laid awake with his mind filled with one thing and one thing only. 

Akane Ito and his incredible torso.

-

Over the year, his crush on the overly kind and smiley boy only grew. 

Suga had thought something was wrong with him, because he had never heard of other boys who openly liked boys. He spent the majority of his time searching up terms for himself, finding out that he was indeed ‘bisexual’. The term made him smile, because he knew that there were more people like him.

At practice, Suga would sneak some glances at the redhead, his heart swelling at how good he looked with a man bun or when he blocked a really hard spike. Today was another day, where Suga just observed him whilst practicing some receives by himself. The young boy doubted he could ever get enough of watching the other.

That completely changed when practice ended though.

A guy with short black hair and a cute face was at the door, grinning. Akane didn’t notice him at first, before his friends pointed him out, teasing a little. The smiley boy flushed for the first time in front of Suga and he rushed into the arms of that boy. Suga felt his heart twinge at the sight, but he didn’t think too far into it. 

Until Akane kissed that boy and he kissed back just as eager. Suga’s whole world seemed to be crashing down as he watched his crush kiss someone else. A pain so agonizing spread in his heart, his hand coming up to clutch his chest. He heaved a deep breath, his eyes watering. He hadn’t even realized he was crying, until Asahi gently put his hand on his shoulder and wiped a few stray tears away.

“You liked him, didn’t you?”

Without thinking, Suga let himself fall into his friend’s arms, sobbing. Luckily, they weren’t close to the group of third years, so they didn’t notice the absolutely heartbroken boy. Asahi held him tight, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

Akane wasn’t his first love, but that didn’t stop this heart from hurting this bad. Suga was stupid for letting his fantasy get out of control. Why was this heartbreak so different from fifth grade, when the pretty girl, Momo, rejected him? Why did his heart ache so viciously?

Was it because Akane also liked guys, which meant he might have even had a chance, if he were older? Is it the way he instantly recognized that the smile Akane gave his boyfriend was completely different from the one he gave everyone else? Why was Suga so heartbroken?

He never really got the answer to that question.

-

Everything went back to normal and Suga stopped stealing glances at Akane, even though his red hair made it hard not to stare, he stopped staring at him as he got changed, he stopped imagining kissing him before he went to bed. He stopped himself from making his crush any worse. He knew better than that. He knew better than going after someone who was taken. 

Akane didn’t treat him any differently either (why would he?) He continued to be a great leader and someone, who Suga adored. Looking back, Suga wondered if Akane knew he had a crush on him. He wondered whether the whole team knew. He wished he had come out then. To all of them. He knew that they would have accepted him with open arms and warm hugs.

Now, that was all he wanted to give Yamaguchi.

Unconditional support and love, because he knew he needed it as much as first year Suga did.


	12. A necessary realization

“I’m having lunch with Kuroo because he’s forcing me to.” The blond disclosed, clearly unhappy about having to eat outside as he grabbed his stuff from where he was sitting with Kageyama, Yamaguchi and a few others. Kageyama didn’t do as much as even look up as he continued to eat his lunch. Yamaguchi found the reaction odd.

“Yamaguchi, he also told me to tell you, that you’re joining today’s training.” Startled at being spoken to directly once again, the boy quickly nodded, hoping no one noticed his reddening ears. After Kei left, Kageyama stared at Yamaguchi, who tried his best to hold his gaze. His eyes flitted downwards, his heart in his ears. He didn’t like the way Kageyama was staring at him. He felt very scrutinized, looking into those dark, blue eyes. It was as if he was trying to decipher him. Pick him apart piece by piece. As if he knew something he shouldn’t. Like a secret.

“Can I speak with you in private?”

“Sure.”

The two found a secluded hallway not too far from the main dining hall, the faint voices comforting Yamaguchi. For a long time, Kageyama didn’t say anything. He was squinting so hard the blue of his eyes disappeared, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. The only reason the setter could be staring at him like this was that he knew Yamaguchi’s secret. 

He knew that the other yearned for his boyfriend. 

The thought alone felt like a punch to the freckled boy’s gut. Somehow Kageyama knowing, was worse than Yamaguchi having to stop liking Tsukishima. His infatuation with his best friend felt too personal for anyone else to know. Especially for the boyfriend of said best friend.

“I want you to be completely honest,” Yamaguchi stopped breathing, bracing for the truth to come from Kageyama’s mouth, “was Kuroo flirting with Tsukishima?” Not expecting that, Yamaguchi blinked a little confused and took aback, because he had never heard Kageyama sound so jealous. The relief came crashing as he let himself smile, relaxed and wide, the setter tilting his head in confusion.

“Tsukishima is a little too in love to even notice anyone else flirting with him.”

At this, Kageyama’s eyes widened and his cheeks pinked. In that moment, where Kageyama and him casually talked about Tsukishima and laughed together at their shared pet peeves about the other, Yamaguchi realized that even though they were both in love with the same person Kageyama just happened to have gotten luckier. More so than grief, the freckled boy felt a weird sense of contentment at the thought of Kageyama and Tsukishima being in love and together. 

His heart will still ache tremendously, but now alongside it was a feeling of utter glee for his best friend and teammate. Yamaguchi will try to heal faster, not just for himself, but for Tsukishima as well. He wanted his friendship with the other back. He wanted things to go back to the way they were, because even if he had to hide his feelings back then, at least he was happy. 

Yamaguchi made a mental note to hug Suga and tell him about his mental progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yams finally gets some closure,,,, i want him and kageyama to have a good friendship!!!
> 
> next chapter mr. kuroo is making a grand comeback...
> 
> also, if you're missing tsukikage, cause i've been focusing on yamaguchi a lot, you can tell me
> 
> i'll write a cute fluff filled chapter!!!
> 
> thank you for reading, my loves!!!


	13. A flirtatious joke

Throughout the week, Kuroo would catch Yamaguchi’s gaze on him so often, he figured he’d give in and talk to the cute boy. 

“Why do you play volleyball, Yamaguchi?”

The group consisting of Tsukishima, Bokuto, Akaashi, Yamaguchi and Kuroo were once again heading to dinner later than they should be. Bokuto and Akaashi were having a heated, one sided conversation about something Tsukishima couldn’t care less about. Yamaguchi was in between his best friend and Kuroo, his heart beating for all the wrong and right reasons. 

The direct question made the aforementioned male start, his eyes darting to Kuroo in surprise. Yamaguchi tilted his head to look at the black haired male. The boy with the freckles felt a warm, tingly feeling rise in his chest.

“I joined the team because Tsukki joined.”

A boring answer, Yamaguchi knew, but it was the truth. If Tsukishima hadn’t joined, he probably wouldn’t have either. He was forever grateful for his best friend. Kuroo glanced at Tsukishima, who just adjusted his glasses, then back at Yamaguchi.

“Are you happy playing volleyball?”

“Happier than I was when I was playing soccer.” 

Kuroo chuckled, turning his head to stare up at the night sky. A mental image of Yamaguchi playing soccer crossed Kuroo's mind, a slow smile forming on his face. Yamaguchi innocently stared at Kuroo, the smile on his face causing his heart to stutter.

“I’m glad you decided to play volleyball.”

“Me too.”

A comfortable silence ensued as they walked to the dining hall, their footsteps and crickets the only audible sound. Once they got to the hall most of the tables were empty. The coaches were all still there, discussing excitedly and laughing loudly. For the first time in months, a feeling Yamaguchi recognized so well flooded him. The boy with freckles finally felt at peace. That didn’t mean his heartache was gone or that he didn’t feel lonely, but alongside those feelings was a slowly growing sense of peace. The type of peace his heart has been yearning for.

In his feverish state, Yamaguchi didn’t notice that he sat next to Kuroo, although Tsukishima saved a space for him. The black haired male smirked, enjoying the proximity. He wished for Yamaguchi to be a lot more carefree. This was the first time the other initiated any sort of contact with Kuroo. Obviously Kuroo didn’t let his giddiness show, but Bokuto saw the way his smirk curved a little further than it usually did.

“Bokuto and Akaashi want to go shopping tomorrow. Do you guys want to come with us? Your lover boy can also tag along.”

Tsukishima groaned at Kuroo, who chuckled. Yamaguchi snapped back at that and nodded excitedly, “we’d love to.” Tsukishima gave him a look, but refrained from saying anything. Kuroo flicked his eyes to Yamaguchi’s, his face visibly softening. Kuroo swiftly examined the freckles on his cheeks before turning back to his food, his heart beating a little faster.

Yamaguchi stopped breathing under Kuroo’s gaze, but he didn’t feel as self-concious. Kuroo’s eyes, albeit very sultry, were so incredibly soft and tender. Yamaguchi liked the comfort he could draw out of them. He wondered what Kuroo’s eyes looked like when he was in love. The thought alone caused a blush to bloom on Yamaguchi’s freckled cheeks.

“What time and where?”

Tsukishima asked, holding his phone in his hand and looking expectantly at Kuroo. “12:30 in the lobby.” Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima typing, the boy’s lightly rouge cheeks and ghost of a smile making him feel sick. How was his best friend able to be so in love? He barely recognized his Tsukki anymore. Whenever he initiated skin ship, Yamaguchi’s head would spin, because he couldn’t believe his eyes. Tsukishima being romantically involved with someone felt like a version of his best friend, that Yamaguchi never envisioned.

“It’ll be a couples day out!” 

“Well, not really since Yamaguchi and Kuroo aren’t dating.” Akaashi retorted matter of factly to Bokuto’s claim, the excited boy deflating slightly. Yamaguchi’s face was flaring red at what Akaashi had said, his mind created a mental image of him and Kuroo holding hands. With no hesitation whatsoever, Kuroo grabbed Yamaguchi’s hand and interlocked their hands before saying, 

“Just for tomorrow, we are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo is soo smooth.... poor yamaguchi i hope is heart is alright!!!
> 
> any requests as to where they should go shopping?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading !!!


	14. Tokyo: an unexpected safe haven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this took so long to post!!! School started again and I am very done with it already.
> 
> Thank you for your patience!!!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!!

Kuroo was an awful date.

Bokuto and Akashi stood with sympathetic smiles in front of Yamaguchi as they waited in the lobby for Kuroo. The occasion wasn’t even that big of a thing, but seeing the couple together, holding hands made the freckled boy’s stomach churn. Kuroo was probably joking when he had said that they were going on a fake date, but the warmth of his hands holding Yamaguchi’s still lingered. The way he smirked confidently after declaring that, had the boy’s stomach flooding with butterflies. 

This was why him being late shouldn’t bother Yamaguchi this much.

Tsukishima was dragging Kageyama down the stairs, hands intertwined. A soft expression was pressed onto Kageyama’s usually compressed as Tsukishima smiled up at him, Yamaguchi turning away from the sight of the love struck couple. 

Bokuto sympathetically smiled at the boy, his efforts going unnoticed. Tsukishima noticed the missing person, scowling as he eyed an awkward Yamaguchi. Kageyama released his hand from Tsukishima, frowning lightly at the freckled boy.

Was he being stood up?

Yamaguchi knew better than anyone that you shouldn’t get your hopes up, no matter what. Sometimes he ditched his common sense because that’s what having a crush felt like to him. That exhilarating feeling you get when you do something you know you’re not supposed to do. He knew he shouldn’t have a crush on people way out of his league, but it just felt too good. The possibility of being liked back was one thought that set Yamaguchi’s heart on fire. He knew it was a dangerous game that he was playing.

That was why when Kuroo came barging into the lobby, face flushed and breathing heavy, Yamaguchi didn’t know what to do with himself. Even less when he pulled out roses from behind his back, a soft smile on his face as he presented them to Yamaguchi. 

“I’m sorry for being late,” he started, “I hope you can forgive me?” 

How could he not? How could he say no to Kuroo in a red turtleneck and black skinny jeans? How did Kuroo expect him to say no to anything that left his pretty mouth?

Yamaguchi felt all eyes on him as Kuroo awaited his answer, fingers clenching the flowers. “Of course. You just have to make this date unforgettable.” Next to him, Yamaguchi heard Kageyama choke on his spit, Tsukishima patting his back.

Kuroo smirked as Yamaguchi took the flowers, “already on it.”

Akashi and Bokuto exchanged knowing glances, before eyeing Kuroo suspiciously. Yamaguchi quickly potted the flowers in his room before rejoining the group. They headed to a shopping mall Bokuto wanted to visit because they had a bunch of stationary stores.

The mall was quite packed, but Yamaguchi didn’t really mind. Kuroo was close to him, their hands occasionally brushing against each other. The freckled boy tried his best to ignore how soft Kuroo’s fingertips felt. After a while of brushing hands and shy glances on Yamaguchi’s part, Kuroo decided to be brave and loosely held onto Yamaguchi’s hand. 

Yamaguchi’s stomach sank.

He snapped his eyes up and caught Kuroo’s inquisitive gaze, a soft tenderness hidden behind his dark eyes. “Okay?” Yamaguchi couldn’t breath with how much more than okay it was that Kuroo was holding his hand. He craved the warmth they emitted when they had held hands for the first time.

Instead of answering, Yamaguchi let his fingers completely slip into Kuroo’s, holding his hand tight. 

-

“You’ve barely eaten anything.”

Kageyama noted the frown from before returning. Tsukishima's features were relaxed, his lips tugging up at his boyfriend’s concerns. Chopsticks were already in front of his lips before he could retort, his mouth opening wide to eat. 

The table watched the interaction in awe of how cute the couple was, the same feeling from earlier washing over Yamaguchi. He was so happy for them, but his heart wasn’t. His heart wanted Tsukishima’s soft glances and smiles for himself. He didn’t want to share his best friend with anyone. 

Especially not Kageyama.

Yamaguchi hated himself for being so selfish. He wished he was one of those people who were happy for others 24/7, but he just wasn’t. He was so incredibly jealous of someone, who didn’t even know it. He felt so frustrated he could cry. He didn’t deserve Tsukishima. The blond didn’t deserve a terrible best friend like him.

“Hey, earth to Yamaguchi?” Kuroo softly asked, “you haven’t touched your fries yet and they’re getting soggy.”

“That’s how he likes his fries.”

The freckled boy’s heart twinged. Couldn’t Tsukishima not have said anything? Did he have to be so caring and kind and smart and beautiful? Yamaguchi knew he swore he’d get over the blond, but he wasn’t making it exactly easy. 

Yamaguchi sent a wobbly smile Tsukishima’s way before turning to Kuroo. An intense gaze filled with curiosity once again made Yamaguchi want to curl and hide. He didn’t want Kuroo to see how awful he really was. How messed up he was for not even being able to be truly happy for his own best friend.

Kuroo picked up his fork and spooned a bunch of fries, making sure to get the soft ones and held them up to Yamaguchi’s mouth, cupping the underside to prevent dripping. 

Affection was not even strong enough of a word for what Yamaguchi felt for Kuroo in that moment. His chest flooded with warmth, a sensation so pleasant he nearly closed his eyes. He willingly opened his mouth and ate, chewing happily and completely ignoring all the wide eyes around him. 

The boy was still well aware of his awful feelings towards the couple, but there was no point in wellowing about something that he couldn’t change. Guilt washed over Yamaguchi as he realized that he was so caught up in his problems that he was completely ignoring Kuroo the entire time. Kuroo kept on trying to engage with Yamaguchi, but he was too closed off. Yamaguchi was incredibly grateful for the boy’s efforts.

A surge of bravery made Yamaguchi pick up Kuroo’s chopsticks and hold a piece of pork in front of the talking boy. Kuroo quickly fell silent as he stared at the piece of meat in front of him. He ate it, eyeing Yamaguchi before returning to his conversation with Akashi. 

Kageyama couldn’t believe his eyes one bit.

The group finished their dinner and started to head back, looking for dessert options in the busy streets of Tokyo. Bokuto mentioned that he heard of ice cream covered in waffles and Akashi said he saw a boba place a few streets away. All the couples walked closely together, Yamaguchi’s arm laced around Kuroo’s. 

“What’s your favourite dessert?”

“Crêpe and yours?”

“Ice cream.”

Bokuto dramatically clutched his chest as he listened to the cute interaction between Kuroo and Yamaguchi, Akashi rolling his eyes at his dramatic boyfriend. Soon the group found a small cafe that sold dessert and decided to eat there. Kuroo got his crêpe, Tsukishima his strawberry cake, Yamaguchi his ice cream and the others settled.

“Thank you for inviting us.”  
Kageyama said, looking at Tsukishima. The blond held his gaze, his smile widening before pecking him. “This was a really nice day.” Yamaguchi gulped down a spoon of his ice cream, trying his best to keep his feelings at bay. Kuroo offered him some of his crêpe, feeding him. 

“Yeah thank you for inviting us.”

Yamaguchi smiled at Bokuto, Akashi and Kuroo, his eyes lingering on him. He hadn’t thought that Tokyo would bring new friendships. He hadn’t expected to grow so much in such a short time. He hadn’t expected Kuroo. He expected none of it, but he was so glad it all happened. Tokyo, in a way, felt, although very full and busy, like a safe haven made just for him. A place he could grow and become a better version of himself, both mentally and physically.

“We should hang out as much as we can before we all leave.”

Everyone nodded in agreement, smiling at each other.

“Will you let me take you on another date before that?”

Yamaguchi laughed, his mouth flying open and body jerking, Kuroo watching fondly.

“Only if you bring me roses again!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was mainly Yamaguchi and his pool of feelings trying to co-exist. I tried my best to describe his inner turmoil, but it might have come across a little angsty. sorry about that!!!! 
> 
> Why do you think Kuroo likes Yamaguchi- if he even likes the boy? 
> 
> Any guesses?
> 
> Also, i honestly think Kuroo in a red turtleneck or suit should be illegal..
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading!!
> 
> next update should be next week!! (would you guys prefer an update schedule?)


	15. Cats & Crows

The away games were coming to a successful end for the Karasuno boy, their wins catching up to their losses. Ukai could sense the change in the team’s spirit and goals as they played each game with more enthusiasm. Nekoma and Karasuno’s boys hung out a lot more for their last few days, growing a connection both teams would try to cherish and nurture. Maybe cats and crows can be friends.

“Hinata! We’re going!” Kageyama called out to the boy who was excitedly ranting about something with Bokuto actively listening to him. Kageyama stood with most of the third years, all the others missing. Not even Tsukishima was anywhere to be seen, which slightly worried Kageyama. Then again, the setter did decide to leave breakfast sooner than everyone else. Couldn’t blame Tsukishima for being a slow eater. Not like Kageyama practically minded with how cute his boyfriend looked, savouring his strawberry shortcake. 

At the breakfast table, the others discussed their plans for when they got back, trying to find out when to start practicing again. Yamaguchi kept quiet as all of them talked, lost in his head as he reminisced about all the things he and Kuroo did together. 

Window shopping had never been so fun.

Yamaguchi wondered when this warm feeling in his chest would fade because there was no way it could stay with him. It would distract him to no end. Constantly feeling nothing but soft affection for a certain hot middle blocker wasn’t going to get him to improve his volleyball skills. He knew this, but that wasn’t going to his heart.

Kuroo glanced at the dazed boy, catching the almost pleasant, content look on his face. As if sensing someone’s eyes on him, Yamaguchi looked up, his smile wide and filled with affection. Kuroo almost laughed at how expressive the freckled boy had become over the course of the week in Tokyo. He hoped he never lost that. 

Kuroo liked seeing happiness swimming in his green eyes.

As the morning began to wrap up, all of Karasuno bid their farewells and thank yous to the staff and other teams. The first years all huddle up and bid their personal goodbyes, hugging and making promises of visiting again soon. The coaches made sure to keep each other’s contacts so that they could arrange practice matches.

The cats and the crows formed a group outside the venue, bidding their sorrowful goodbyes. 

“I don’t want to go!”

“Me neither!”

Hinata and Nishinoya both exclaimed, gripping onto Bokuto, “We don’t want you to go either!” 

The group chatted casually, Yamaguchi and Kuroo continuously glancing at each other. Tsukishima and Kageyama said their short goodbyes before heading to where coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei were standing. Hinata and Nishinoya followed suit, leaving Yamaguchi with Nekoma.

“See you around, freckles!” Bokuto called out, affectionately ruffling Yamaguchi’s green locks. Kenma gave him a nod of acknowledgement before leaving with Bokuto, Yamaguchi and Kuroo all alone. 

“I’m gonna miss window shopping with you.” 

Yamaguchi breathed a chuckle, trying to keep the disheartening feelings at bay. Noticing the fluctuation in his voice, Kuroo wrapped an arm around his shoulders and held him, resting his head atop his. The words were fleeting, leaving a rotten aftertaste as a goodbye lingered in the air. 

Parting is always the hard part. Leaving something good behind because life forces you to. The parting comes with pain and pain comes with growth. The two of them will grow as individuals, whether they want to or not. Whatever feelings they had for each other had to either survive the change or dissipate.

Whatever it was Yamaguchi felt for Kuroo had to survive.

The freckled boy wanted it to because feeling warm in autumn was an advantage he wasn’t going to say no to. Because Kuroo was a good person who cared for him and he wanted to continue to care for him. Caring for Kuroo was something Yamaguchi found comfort in. Knowing that Tsukishima was cared for and loved, allowed him to care for someone else and that someone happened to be Kuroo. 

“I’m gonna miss you.”

Kuroo’s hold tightened around Yamaguchi. This was not goodbye. This was only the beginning. Whether they wanted to continue whatever they had was completely up to them. Expanding this was up to them. They had their futures in their hands. Yamaguchi wanted Kuroo to be part of his future.

“Make sure to visit?”

“You make sure to call!” Kuroo smiled down at Yamaguchi.

The two parted like that, no goodbyes, no tears, because in all honesty, they knew that whatever they had was stronger than the distance between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to finish this book by the end of October!!!!!


	16. Coming out just to be broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Hinata and Yamaguchi platonic friendship moments in here :))))

Winter came in full force once the boys returned to school, their training camp days leaving memories of warm sun rays and abundant laughter. Yamaguchi used winter to let go of any residing discomfort and unhappiness he felt towards his best friend and his relationship. He used the dying around him to kill this insufferable love he had. Winter came with so much beauty, but at what cost? A cost Yamaguchi was more than willing to pay if it meant to finally be free.

Training continued like usual, the excitement about Kageyama and Tsukishima dating having simmered down. Yamaguchi was very grateful for that because he didn’t think he could handle another one of Tanaka’s outbursts that caused Nishinoya to start gushing, too. Sugawara kept the boys in check whenever he noticed Yamaguchi retreat into his shell. 

One particular, cold winter evening after practice Hinata decided to gather the first years, nervousness a very displaced expression on his usually bright smile and twinkling eyes. Kageyama decided to walk next to him, worried for his friend, and Tsukishima holding his boyfriend’s hand tight as they walked to Hinata’s bike. Yamaguchi walked on the other side of Hinata, anxious radiating in waves off the small boy. He stopped in front of his bike, back facing his three friends. 

He knew they were all queer. Why was it so hard for him to just say the words? He had no reason to be scared yet tears threatened to spill from his large brown eyes as he glared at his bike chain. His throat started clenching as his stomach churned, their silence causing his ears to ring. 

“Hinata?” Yamaguchi softly started, the cold starting to nip at his exposed ears, “What’s wrong?” Kageyama and Tsukishima meet eyes, the same feeling visible in their eyes. Utter confusion. What was happening? Did something happen? Why was Yamaguchi being so apprehensive? 

Slowly, Hinata turned around, his eyes wider than anyone has ever seen them, fear swimming a timed race in those brown eyes of his. Yamaguchi couldn’t help, but hold his breath because if his suspicions were right, what Hinata was about to say would make him cry. Not out of sadness, but out of sheer pride for how brave his friend was. 

Hinata barely looked at Kageyama and his eyes practically stayed glued on Yamaguchi, the smaller boy finding solidarity in his friend's empathic gaze. After the training camp, the two grew closer due to Kageyama and Tsukishima constantly being around each other. Yamaguchi even managed to open up to him about his inner turmoil about his complicated feelings for Tsukishima. Hinata was great at empathizing with Yamaguchi to a point where Yamaguchi felt like Hinata had gone through a similar experience, but he didn’t push him to tell him. 

As Hinata desperately stared into Yamaguchi’s eyes with tears bulging in his usually warm eyes, Yamaguchi knew for a fact that the way he had been broken was the same way Hinata was. And all he could do was ace for the boy because he knew it hurt. He knew all too well how it hurt. And he was so sorry. Yamaguchi would gladly take his pain to feel it twice just so Hinata wouldn’t have to feel it because Hinata has been nothing but an absolute blessing to Yamaguchi.

“I am Bisexual.” 

Hinata looked at the setter and saw the way Kageyama’s eyes widened, his face bursting with emotion as sudden realization hit him. Yamaguchi’s face melted into a smile as he quickly walked forward to engulf Hinata in a much needed hug, Hinata finally releasing the tears he was holding back into Yamaguchi’s hoodie. Yamaguchi soothingly rubbed his back, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, completely ignoring the way his heart ached for the boy.

Tsukishima remained quite unfazed since he had his suspicions, but seeing how taken aback Kageyama was made uncertainty flit to life in his gut. Kageyama’s grip on his hand tightened, but Tsukishima doubted that he noticed. Yamaguchi ended up slightly picking Hinata up, the smaller boy’s legs quivering too much for him to support himself. “I’m so proud of you, Shou.” Yamaguchi whispered, Hinata’s sobbing intensifying. 

“Do you wanna come to my place? My mom loves you, anyway.” Hinata chuckled, nodding into his shoulder. Kageyama finally came back to reality and faced Tsukishima, giving him one of the fakest smiles Tsukishima had ever seen, his usually affectionate eyes filled with nothing. Was it betrayal? Was it him feeling like Hinata didn’t trust him enough to even tell him that? Tsukishima knew that making friends was hard for Kageyama, which was why he cherished his current friendship a lot.

“We’re really proud of you, Shouyou.” Yamaguchi pulled away to give his friend a genuine smile, completely missing the confusion on Tsukishima’s face at their interaction. When on earth did they get so close? First name basis? Was Tsukishima such a bad friend that he barely noticed his own best friend making new friends? A wave of heavy guilt bloomed to life in his chest as he stared at the way Hinata and Yamaguchi were looking at each other, genuine care and adoration evident in their smiles.

“Yes, we are. Although, I’m not surprised.”

Hinata rolled his eyes at Tsukishima, the familiar smile he always sports resurfacing on his tear-stained face, a heavy load lifting from everyone’s heart. Hinata glanced at Kageyama, Yamaguchi recognizing the fragile hope as something he felt a long time ago, too. He didn’t want this for Hinata. The orange-haired boy deserved to be loved like he actually was the sun. Yamaguchi knew that Hinata thought Kageyama was his moon, but he wasn’t. Hinata didn’t need Kageyama to shine. Yamaguchi wished Hinata could realize that.

Hinata looked every single one of his friends in the eyes, sincerity overflowing his big brown eyes, “Thank you so much.” Yamaguchi smiled proudly because Hinata did something he never had the courage to. He faced his heartache because he knew healing was much easier when you were completely broken.

That night at Yamaguchi’s place, Hinata cried his heart out like never before and Yamaguchi was there to catch every single tear that fell, because he knew that to grow Hinata would need this pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new years!!!
> 
> I know I haven't updated in a long time,,,, i've had writers block for this story,, apologizes for that
> 
> i really want to finish this story, so if anyone has suggestions on how they would like for this story to end, i would love to hear them!!!
> 
> I'm definitely gonna write something christmasy although the season is already over,,,
> 
> see u soon!!!


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